He kissed a someone with a penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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