Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
