So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
