So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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