i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
