Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
