fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
