Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
