his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just high enough for therapy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
