Little spoons don't ask big questions
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
