I want to make a zoo with you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
