I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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