i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
