Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
