the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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