don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
