i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need Xanax blowdarts
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
