dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
