I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
