This girl is more easily done than said...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
