Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
