before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
