It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
