It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
