Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
