Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
