Who did Billy Mays play for?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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