Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
