So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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