Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
