im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
