You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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