yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
