He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
