I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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