You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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