I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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