Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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