There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
