so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
