I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
