the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
