well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
