Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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