I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
