the condom got lost in my hair
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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