I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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