It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
