i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
someone owes me an orgasm
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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