saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
