Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
