well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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