and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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