you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
