why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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