names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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