Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
