I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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