there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
