I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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