I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
