And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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