Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
