so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
